Full confession: I'm lazy when it comes to housework. However, I'm not grubby. I clean my house weekly, usually on a Friday afternoon. And when I do, I go hard. But I do avoid cleaning behind my couch. Do you do that too?

I don’t know if it’s because I’m lazy, perhaps it’s too much work or perhaps I’m afraid of what I might find behind there. Maybe it’s all of the above. Actually, It’s definitely all the above.

I realised today that I have this same approach to my personal life at times too.

Does it make me sad, disappointed, frustrated or angry? Maybe at first but then I remember I’m still figuring this thing called 'life' out. I’m human after all having real human experiences. Always learning. And open for business when it comes to life lessons. I’m here to try get it right not to be right. Brene Brown said that. And it’s stuck.

But am I? Really? Truthfully?

I know I'm not perfect and if you've been following me for a while you will know that's big for me. Owning my human-ness. And honesty is of my highest of core values. 

But I know I'm not alone in wanting to avoid the mess. The uncomfortable. The too hard basket. The stuff we can’t control. The hurt. The reality. The truth of our circumstances and choices.

It’s hard. I'm with you. I'm in it. 

The hard stuff is hard to cope with because it hurts but we need to feel the hard stuff. And we can do hard things. As much as it's so friggin hard at times. Right?

However, it sucks to say, the consequences of not looking and avoiding far outweigh the choice to do the work. Not taking the risk of looking into the unknown and getting out of our comfort zone causes us more harm than good. Because on the other side is always something much better.

And you know this too. Deeply, when you're really honest with yourself.

Oh yeah, there she is.

The truth will always nags at us to look. There’s always a knowing. A feeling. A message. To look closer. To clean up the mess. It’s in our dreams and nightmares. It haunts us. It’s in the signs that the universe, life or whatever you believe in sends us. It's in our friends and families looks and advice.

Nudging us to go. To explore it. To discover what we don’t yet know. But we need to. To look behind the couch.

Yes, we can ignore it but I dare you to take a peak over the cushions.

It’s scared to pull that couch out, you might need some help with the heavy lifting but it’s there waiting for you. It’s not going away. Whatever it is you’re avoiding. It’s there and you feel it too. As much as we wish it was would just disappear and clean itself. It won’t.

Damn.

I dared to look.

It wasn’t the best. In fact it hurt. A lot. So much so, I'm ashamed to admit how much. I’m sure by now you know I’m talking in metaphor. I cried. I was devastated. Frustrated. Disappointed. Like an old wound reopened or maybe it was never healed to start with. Painful none the less.

But it was the reality that I needed to face and I made a choice not to avoid it this time. Not to try to understand why. Not to keep making excuses and to stop trying to clean up something that I couldn’t clean up on my own because it was too painful to keep pretending it wasn’t there. Because keeping my house strong, positive, clean and supportive was the most important thing to my mission, my purpose, my mental health and my daughter.

That’s what I’m here for after all.

For the simple joy of life and to serve. And I had to stay true to myself. And to admit that I’ve been neglecting my house. My home. My needs. My happiness. My peace.

So here I am cleaning house. Hard.

It’s tricky. So many things to consider but I want to be the best person I can be for me, for the woman I have grown into and who she’s becoming, for the people that value what I bring to the couch and most importantly for my daughter.

So my gloves are on.

It’s not a quick vacuum fix.

It’s a work in progress.

But I’m here for it. And I’m doing the work. I’ve got this. And I’ve got a mad strong chick squad cheering me on who have my back. And honestly that’s what has given me this new found power to face it and clean it up.

Surprisingly, I’m not sad because grief for me comes huge, big, mental and instantly and then I move into power mode and right now I’m excited for where I’m headed. It’s beautiful. I’m beautiful. I'm becoming more beautiful. And I’m worthy of only good and great things. I feel happy, content, capable, confident and ready to write this next chapter.

I'm done.

No fight.

No force.

Gently allowing the process to unfold as it needs to. Going with the flow. Love. Forgiveness. It’s all ok. We're all on our own path.

So here’s to cleaning behind the couch more often and taking control of our homes to make sure there isn’t anything 'nasty' hiding behind the couch anymore. Here’s to cleaning house and staying focused on our goals, needs and healing.

Because nothing feels better than coming home to a clean house and taking our power back.

Keep going. You know the way.

Lots of love my sweet beautiful friend, 

Renee. xxx