After successfully self-publishing my first memoir, I Want To Go Home: Reclaiming Power After Sexual Assault, I often get asked this question.

How do I overcome my fear of sharing my story?

Recently I was contacted by a fellow memoir writer after my book coach, Danielle Anderson from Inkworthy Books referred him for advice to help him overcome his fear of sharing his story. (You gotta love how supportive she is!) And of course, I wanted to help!

Let’s call my new friend, Matt.

Matt had done the hard yards! He had bled his heart out all over those pages recounting, reflecting and healing as he wrote and rewrote his story transforming his pain into purpose.

His memoir was mere months away from launching into the world. He spoke about his three-year process being a daunting one but his mission was clear. He spoke about opening up some dark boxes that he felt he had moved on from but he felt committed to writing his truth. And with great bravery, he went on to explain to me his wholehearted awareness that for him to tell his story would with no doubt open up old wounds.

Matt, with great courage and vulnerability, began to share his fears.

Fear of stirring the pot with people he knew would read it.

He explained he only wrote with love and respect and held no bad blood towards anyone. But he was TERRIFIED of hurting people that might not like to relive those memories and worried it might destroy those relationships.

And here’s what I said because I think many of us struggle with this fear during the writing process and when we’re thinking about sharing our story.

“Dear Matt,

Your feelings are real, valid and normal.

I too experienced the same trepidation but I have experienced nothing but love and support.

I too was very thoughtful in how I approached my relationships in my writing and I know it would open up old wounds but that’s why we’re writing about it.

To heal those wounds and to help others to do the same.

So it was a pain point I was willing to face but as you’ve mentioned it might not be an experience others might want to be reminded of.

But you know what?

If that’s how they feel, they don’t have to read it!

The main love interest in my book didn’t want anything to do with my project because he was now married and had kids and I respected that. In fact, he told me to never contact him again! Even though, if he had read my book, he would know I spoke about him like a fucking superhero. Which he was throughout our sailing adventure across the seas! But I understood where he was coming from and that was cool!

I was worried about my mum and she told me she cried reading some sections of my book but she was so proud of my courage, to tell the truth, but was hurt I couldn’t come to her during that stage of my life but understood why. It was a difficult conversation but it needed to happen. And that was ok too.

I have old friends that read my book and feel terrible that they didn’t know or that they knew the perpetrator but they believed me and that’s all that mattered to me.

The perpetrator that raped me that night is no longer alive so I don’t worry about him reading it but I have dreams about a few other people reading it and what they might think but they’re just dreams and I let them go.

It certainly has opened up a lot of pain for me. Many triggers have come to the surface especially as a new mother too. And I’ve been seeing a counsellor when I need to. But I feel my message is transforming me. It started out with sexual assault awareness but now I feel so passionate about supporting people to reclaim their power after trauma.

At the end of the day, you just need to stand by your WHY?

Your WHY is your message.

And remind yourself of that every day because your message is bigger than you. It’s a loving gift to the world. It’s your legacy. It’s your ability to refuse to stay silent and allow these things to continue happening.

It’s not about your ego or revenge but something you HAD to do.

It wasn’t a choice. It was a calling.

A calling to step up and use your voice in a powerful way to create change!

And I’m sure everyone around you will understand that too!!

You’re amazing my new friend.

It’s fucking hard work writing your story let alone writing and self-publishing an entire book. There are so many challenges and internal “not good enough” stuff to overcome but you’ve done that. Let your message shine and back every fucking minute, tear and sleepless night you’ve worked on your project, your book and yourself, and your story will love you right back!”

I hope this correspondence gives support to anyone else that needs to hear this as they deep dive into the most courageous work they will probably ever do!

It takes BIG stuff to do this work and if it was easy everyone would be doing it, right?

But how much better would this world be if we all did the work?

What if we all learned how to share our stories with courage and strength?

What if everyone learned how to tell their stories of resilience?

What a beautiful world we could all exist in, where no one was afraid to be vulnerable and no one would feel alone and maybe there would be less trauma inflicted and experienced as a whole.

I believe it’s possible. Do you?

We can only try by doing our part.

I want to give a big shout-out to “Matt” if you’re reading this because it takes a lot of strength to reach out in vulnerability for support and advice. Wishing you all the best with your future book mate.

Sending you all safe warm hugs,

Renee Marie Simpson

If you enjoyed this post, please like, comment or share. It does so much to help more people receive this message who need it.

And for reading, I would love to offer you a free copy of my RECLAIMING POWER GUIDE which you can download by visiting reneemariesimpson.com and joining my mailing list. My Reclaiming Power guide comes with healing hacks and evidence-based strategies on how to reconnect with what’s important, cope with triggers, support resources and positive affirmations.

You will also be the first to know when my brand NEW online course launches, “Shake The Walls: Write Your Story & Join The Fight For Change.” For those of you who are serious about reclaiming power! I will lovingly guide you through my six-step process for serious transformation and explore ways you can make an impact when you feel safe and ready!

You can also find links to my book, ‘I WANT TO GO HOME – Reclaiming Power After Sexual Assault’ or you can purchase it from Amazon, Book Depository and Barnes & Noble online.

Otherwise stay in touch by following me on Instagram and Facebook @reneemariesimpsonauthor.